When Is The Right Time To Give Your Family Some Tough Love?

We’ve talked before (many times) on AITA about how weddings tend to ratchet up any already-present family tension to unheard of levels. People get truly unhinged about the smallest things surrounding wedding plans, I swear.

That’s when some family member or friend usually chooses to unleash some tough love, which can honestly go either way as far as effectiveness.

In this situation, OP’s cousin is getting married a few hours away in a different state. They picked the venue to accommodate some elderly guests that are important to the couple.

One of my cousins is engaged and they are having a wedding in another state because his future wife has 2 relatives who live there. They are in their 90s and can’t travel easily.

Everyone else who is invited to the wedding is not as old and is healthy and would have no problem making the 2.5 hour drive there.

OP’s parents and brother are upset about the venue choice because it means the brother won’t be able to attend – he’s not allowed to leave the state because of some ongoing legal issues.

Some of the family is demanding the couple change their venue.

My parents got upset when they found out about the wedding being there because it means one of my brothers can’t go. Legally he can’t leave the state right now because of legal issues. The cousin who is getting married is the son of my mom’s sister.

When my parents got upset my aunt and some other relatives tried to convince my cousin’s future wife to change the wedding venue.

The cousin and the wife looked into alternatives that might be able to accommodate everyone but in the end, their 90-year-old guests took priority and they didn’t want to change their date.

My cousin basically told them to leave her alone and shove it and said he isn’t having 2 90+ year olds being taken on an uncomfortable car trip that would be at least 2 hours away. Those venues close to the state border that my mom and aunt and relatives suggested also booked up and my cousin would have to push his wedding back by a lot.

He said the wedding is happening at the original venue which is in the other state and 10 minutes away from the nursing home.

OP got involved because he’s an usher at the wedding and his parents think he should try lobbying for a venue change, too.

OP doesn’t think it’s his business, and told his parents that his brothers’ issues are no one’s fault but his own.

I’m an usher in the wedding and my mom and aunt are a bit mad I won’t try to convince my cousin to move the venue. My brother can’t be an usher because of this. My dad also agrees even though he isn’t as vocal as my mom is.

Personally I don’t think it is any of my business. The last time my mom and aunt asked me to talk to my cousin on behalf of my brother I said he is an adult who can do it himself and he has no one to blame but himself because all ~~her~~ the legal issues are his own fault and no one else’s.

Everyone is mad, but OP thinks he just told the truth – his brother made his choices and now he has to deal with the consequences.

My mom said the legal problems ruined his life and I said he did it himself. Now my parents, brother, aunt and various other relatives are PO’d at me for saying my brother ruined his own life and caused his own problems because they all got told what I said.

Am I the a**hole for saying my brother ruined his own life and it’s no one else’s problem but his?

Oh, and if you’re curious? Here’s what the brother did to get himself travel-banned.

(Since I know people will ask what he did: His girlfriend was in car accident. He went to the scene and pretended to be a random pedestrian who saw everything from the sidewalk to the cops and the insurance company. He lied about the other driver causing the accident even though his girlfriend did. The other driver and another car who wasn’t involved both had dash cameras that contradicted what he said and showed he wasn’t even on the sidewalk.

He also forgot the car was registered to both of them so the insurance company and the cops figured out he wasn’t a random witness. There was a criminal court case and a lawsuit he had to go through and another court case for breaking the terms of his probation from the first case. He is still dealing with the fallout and will be for many years. It’s not relevant to my question but I know people will be curious)

Well, Reddit is weighing in – and I bet it’s going to be delightful!

The top comment commends the cousin for standing his ground, and has no idea why anyone would involve OP in the first place.