Anyone who has ever made the choice to live with another person – be it a sibling, a roommate, or something romantic – knows that the settling-in period can be intense. You’re finding out things you didn’t know about each other, trying to make compromises, and in general just adjusting to life as a couple.
This woman recently moved in with her boyfriend and since he hates cooking and she loves it, one of their early decisions was that she would cook and he would pick up the slack in other ways.
Me (25F) and boyfriend (26M) moved together a few months ago. I’m not American (maybe I need to say this) and he is. Also sorry English is not my first language.
Firstly we agreed that I would cook because he hates cooking, and he would do another chores. That was fine by me because I like cooking.
The issue? She comes from a culture that uses lots of spices and flavors while he prefers his food completely bland.
The problem is that he is a extreme picky eater, so this has been problematic.
I really like spices, not just pepper, I come from a country where we cook with a lot of spices. He likes the food as bland as can be. I tried to not use too many different spices and make it more bland but in a way I would also enjoy but he hates everything I make.
She’s tried toning down the spices but he literally doesn’t want ANY flavor in his food, so they were at an impasse.
An example, if I cook rice, I usually use garlic, sometimes onion, sometimes add vegetables in it. He wants the rice just cooked in water without anything. If I cook some kind of meat, I use spices, but he want to have only salt.
It would take too long for me to make two different meals every night (we only eat together at dinner).
OP suggested they make their own dinners since their tastes were so different, but her boyfriend isn’t having any of it.
He thinks everything should be made to his taste and honestly, he doesn’t even want her cooking “her” food in the house because he doesn’t like the smell.
So I said that we should make our own food. The kitchen is big enough for the both of us to work at the same time if needed, and we could seat together to eat anyway.
But that made him completely angry because he hates cooking and if I’m already cooking I should make for both of us, and I should make everything to his taste and just “add some sauce in my plate”.
(He also hates the smell of my food so he doesn’t want me cooking what I like when he’s home).
Since this is her first serious relationship and first time living with a significant other, OP is asking Reddit whether she’s the one being selfish and should just capitulate, or whether or not this is normal at all.
Now cooking that I loved has become a nightmare. I don’t know if I should just accommodate to his tastes and eat what I want at lunch or when I’m alone. He says that we are a partnership now so everything should be done thinking about both of us, and what I’m asking is going to make us more distant.
It’s my first time living with a SO, so I don’t know if this is normal and he’s right and I’m being petty. He’s sulking now and refuses to discuss this with me if I don’t apologize for being selfish.
Y’all know Reddit has something to say!
The top comment says that the boyfriend is the one being selfish, not to mention immature, and that no, none of this is acceptable.
Plenty of people defend the boyfriend’s taste for bland food, but not his way of trying to force his preferences on someone he’s supposed to care about.
Most people are trying to gently tell OP that this doesn’t seem like a good match.
We’re not sure the boyfriend really understands the nature of a partnership.
The biggest worry for many people is how he seems to want a maid or a mother, not a girlfriend with likes and preferences and a life of her own.
I don’t think this guy is abusive now, but I think it could go down that road if they don’t work some things out now.
If you were OP’s friend, what would you tell her to do? Let’s play that out in the comments!