I think most people would say that you’re allowed to tell your coworkers as much – or as little – about your personal life as you see fit. Some people are open about their home life and very friendly with coworkers, while others prefer to keep their private life, well…private.
This woman has been in a long term polyamorous relationship for over a decade, a fact she didn’t figure was any of her coworkers business and so it was never discussed.
I (32F) am in a poly relationship with Ruby, my GF of 11 years and Louie, my BF of 10 years. The three of us all date each other and are ‘closed off’ to dating anyone outside of our current relationship.
I never mentioned this to my coworkers because I never cared to, I don’t tend to talk about my life while at work.
Then, after a night out with her girlfriend, she thought it seemed as if people were giving her the cold shoulder at the office – and after she got into a discussion about a coworkers ex, she found out why.
A few weeks ago my coworker Ken, who was aware I had a boyfriend, saw me making out with Ruby at a bar and took some pictures. He, apparently, started telling everyone that I was cheating on Louie and showed the pictures of Ruby and I.
I had noticed that some people were giving me the cold shoulder but I just figured it was something to do with my recent promotion.
One of her office mates had seen and taken pictures of her kissing her girlfriend at a bar and had told everyone she was cheating on her boyfriend.
A few days ago I was talking to my friend in the break room about her ex and mentioned how much I hate cheaters, which prompted Ken and a few of my other coworkers to start ‘calling me out’ and tell me that I was a hypocrite.
When I said that I never cheated Ken ‘confronted’ me with the pictures of Ruby and I at the bar and a picture of Louie and I on a date from last week.
When the person who took the picture kept pushing to know who OP was actually dating, she then informed them she was dating both of them and had been for awhile, then called him creepy as well.
Ken kept asking “So who are you dating?!” while shoving his phone in my face, so I just brushed his arm aside and told him, “both of them.” That only seemed to see him and others off worse and he started nagging me again and I started laughing.
I wasn’t trying to be rude I just actually found it funny how upset everyone was getting over my relationship that they had no idea about.
He stopped talking after laughed and I took that time to explain my relationship and showed pictures of all three of us including ones of Ruby and Louie kissing and I joked about him taking pictures “like a stalker”.
Now several people at her office are angry that she “hid” this part of her life from them, but OP doesn’t think she did anything wrong.
Now a bunch of my coworkers are pissed that I “hid” my polyamory from them and are now saying that it’s “my fault” that they now look like jerks for talking bad about me behind my back.
Is she in the wrong? Or are coworkers always on a need to know basis?
Edit: Just to clear up some things 1) Ken does not know either of my partners, he only knew about Louie and had no reasonable way of knowing if I was still with him at the time 2) I was unaware of any of the pictures being taken until Ken showed me them
Reddit’s weighing in below!
Not only is it none of their business, but it seems like Ken might need to be officially addressed by HR, too.
Most of the commenters agreed this didn’t seem like normal coworker behavior at all.
Basically everyone hopes OP doesn’t just let it go.
It sounds like a bit of an odd workplace dynamic, if we’re being honest.
Basically, all of this just crosses the line.
OP did give us a rather shocking update, in which she reveals that someone from their IT department let her know that the creeper had MORE pictures of her on his computer and was actively stalking her.
The police are involved, and I hope everything turns out ok.
UPDATE: I just got home so here’s an update of what’s happened so far. Yesterday a few of my coworkers saw my post and decided to let me know he had been showing them more pictures than the ones I saw. A coworker in IT who was working last night read it and looked in his company computer for any possible pictures and…. there were a lot. When I talked to HR this morning they were aware of both issues as IT had alerted them when they found the pictures and sent them a link to my post and my friend who works here had also told HR the day it happened even though I had told her originally not to worry about it but they couldn’t do anything until I made a report, the pictures obviously changed that.
Ken was definitely stalking me. He was immediately fired and we ended up having to get police involved because it was determined that I was in immediate danger. I do have a temporary restraining order before the court date but he is currently with the police. HR had me go home early today and honestly I’m exhausted. A lot more stuff is happening right now but some of it I can’t talk about right now and others I don’t really want to.
Sorry this is kind of disjointed I didn’t sleep much last night and my heads kind of spinning from everything. When I originally posted this I didn’t really take this situation seriously, I just figured it was a coworker just wanting some drama to spread and I just happened to be the prime candidate. Ken had always been a bit of a creepy “nice guy” but never thought much of it and when I laughed and called him a stalker I never would have expected that to be true.
Louie and Ruby were able to take some time off and are spending the day with me at home cuddling and watching movies so if anyone has any good movies recommendations please let me know! I’m exhausted and ready for all of this to be over. Thank you all so much for everything, you all made me open my eyes to the real situation when I was laughing it all off as weird coworkers.
I’ll update if anything else happens and I’ll update once we go to court, as long as I’m allowed.
Also Ruby and Louie told me to tell you all thanks from them too, they’re reading over my shoulders as I type.
Edit 2: I forgot to add that my coworker in IT did let me know about the pictures last night after he found them.
Go with your gut instinct, ladies, and don’t let things slide that don’t feel at all right.
How would you have handled this? Would you have laughed or let him have it? Tell us in the comments!