#11. Don’t do drugs

“A female patient came into the ER with profuse rectal bleeding, her boyfriend in tow, covered in her blood and poop all up his front.

Turns out that in a bid to get higher off of nitrous oxide than from its normal inhalation route, they decided to use a homemade whipped-cream maker to blow N2O up her rear-end.

He over-inflated her colon, and she had a blowout.

Patient required a temporary colostomy, and fortunately this was later reversed.

The worst part was having to break the news that there is no possible way to get high by doing such a thing.”

#12. BJ

“I once walked in on a patient getting a blow job in his shared room.

Guy was only in the hospital for 24 hours.

Like, come on guy…Can’t it wait?”

#13. Doggy style

“18-month-old intact male Dalmatian, living with an intact female (show home). The dog was clinically normal until the female came into season, at which point he became suddenly paraplegic. As soon as the female was out of season, he was back to normal. Clinical and neurological exam was unremarkable.

We decided to expose him to another female in heat, and lo and behold, he became paraplegic within a few minutes, with the neurological exam indicating a lesion in the lumbar chord. Took the female away, and he was back to normal within a couple hours.

We did a myelogram (dating the story here) and found a small mass at the right place, but nowhere near big enough to explain the symptoms. The owner insisted on surgery anyway, so the mass was removed, and the dog was cured after that.

The mass was then sent in for pathology, and it came back as an ectopic piece of Corpus spongiosum: a piece of penis where there shouldn’t be any.

Basically, the dog was getting erections inside his spinal canal, and the pressure on the spinal chord caused the symptoms, which were reversible when the stimulus went away.

Truly one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen.”

#14. Once you pop…

“Psych patient went off his meds and set himself on fire.

The surgeon cleaned up his wounds and stapled cadaver skin to him, which had been harvested from organ donors.

I walked in on the patient peeling off and sucking down the cadaver grafts like slimy potato chips.”

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