When it comes to relationships, marriages, and cheating, the people who break up the marriage or relationship are rarely the ones outside of it – though they usually get more than their fair share of the blame.
Of course, if people were happy in their relationship, they wouldn’t be cheating. If things were fine to begin with, they couldn’t have been tempted away.
Maybe the other person didn’t even know.
If you’ve always been curious about the other side of the story, these 15 homewreckers are willing to tell their truths.
15. It can change your life.
Fell in love with my best friend at 17. He was in a multi-year long relationship with an amazing woman, but I didn’t really know her. He told me everything I wanted to hear and was the first man I’d met to express that kind of interest in me. I was young, dumb, and insecure.
So I fell for it (and all the bullshit he spewed about the reasons his girlfriend wouldn’t be mad, he was protecting her mental health by staying with her even though they were totally done, she was unstable, etc.) and we were in a full-blown romantic and sexual affair for a few months. He ended up kind of ghosting me after that, gaslighting me about the seriousness of our relationship, and continuing to date his girlfriend until she left him for another guy (good riddance lol).
I struggled with trust and self-loathing for a long time after that. Ended up dedicating my life to researching and treating infidelity/relational challenges. I now work as a couples therapist and am very passionate about what I do!
I want to someday publish research on the psychological rationalization and aftermath that extra-dyadic partners (homewreckers) experience.
For how common it is, there is virtually no research about that third person, what gets them to participate, and the impact.
I am also in a loving relationship with a great guy.
14. Too bad for him.
Found out while in labor my child’s father had another woman pregnant and was marrying her. I actually waited 5 months to tell her anything.
She didn’t believe me until i sent her a copy of the DNA test. She ended up thanking me. We talk now and hope to raise the kids knowing each other.
He’s not too happy.
13. He stole her boyfriend!
I messed around with a girl a handful of times until I found out her boyfriend was in Iraq. She’d left her laptop up when she was in the shower.
I’m kinda a POS and decided to snoop around for nudes, found her email and the emails from her boyfriend. Talking about marriage after he gets back.
I copied down his email address and then wrote him later. Told him everything. Boy was he pissed.
He dumped her. Him and I are going to a Football game in November.
12. Just learn from your mistakes.
Had an affair with a married man. Yes, I knew he was married. Yes, I knew his wife. Yes, I thought she didn’t understand him and we were true love.
Yes, he ended up cheating on me with a married woman who ended up leaving her 2nd husband for my ex. They are still together.
It was the worst thing I ever did and I hope when I die his ex-wife joyfully dances on my grave; I deserve it.
11. That’s an unexpected turn.
I hooked up with an older woman once and her husband walked in on us. I immediately left while they were crying and screaming at each other. Found out a couple weeks later that the husband killed himself because of it.
To this day I have supreme guilt and slight trust issues. But the person I’m with now makes it better, I love her to the moon and back.
10. Don’t crap where you eat and all of that.
I hooked up with a roommate/landlady, dumb move off the bat I know, because she told me they were in an open relationship. I confirmed with her bf that they were in an open relationship but neither of them told me that roommates were kinda off the table. I went ahead with it because it was the first time a woman showed was into me without me trying. It was a great confidence boost and I hadn’t had many before.
We got together a few times before I found out the bf wasn’t cool with it, broke it off because I felt lied to, but the damage was done. The entire vibe of the house changed, it was a pretty big house with multiple rooms being rented out. At the start we had house meals sometimes and game nights, just a general friendly vibe. Afterwards we all kinda isolated and I apologized to the guy, I didn’t know exactly what was going on and I felt terrible about it.
In the end the great place I had found with awesome people just fell apart and its probably the biggest regret of my life, everyone moved out and I hope the couple were able to work things out without me being there as a reminder.
9. They’re never getting a divorce.
Ughhh….here it goes. Slept with a married man for years. He lied and told me they were divorcing as soon as the kids got out of high school and they were only together for the kids.
She ended up showing up at my work and confronted me….of course I told the truth and holy shit did my life suck after that. I fell for the lies hook, line and sinker. Turns out he was a sex addict. Had been with many, many women and I guess I was the only one dumb enough to tell her the truth. I was know as the “home wrecker” and 20 years later it still gets thrown in my face.
Funny how the one that had vows with her and children got zero punishment, yet I got bashed and shunned for falling for his BS. I was only a teenager (19) then. It literally destroyed my life and self-esteem. He was a professional manipulator that took advantage of a young naive girl and wrecked her young world. God, I hate that man.
8. Yeah that’s on her.
I haven’t dated a woman for over a year and a half now. Can’t trust.
Found out she had a fiancee and she made a huge host of false accusations, I had text messages from her, emails, hours long incoming calls from her, etc etc…. all proving that no i wasn’t what she was making me out to be.
All because she wanted to salvage her relationship with her fiancee… whom I had no idea existed.
7. They’ll always do it to you, too.
I was so in to a coworker in college, and we started hanging out after work smoking and cruising even though we both knew he had a gf. It was platonic, until it wasn’t.
He eventually left his girl but by then I had realized if he would do that to his long term Gf why wouldn’t he do it to me at some point? Even a year later when we reconnected after both dating other people, I still couldn’t get over that thought.
Never did officially date him, which is too bad because I did really like him.
6. More people like this, please.
I’ve been with a guy once who only told me he had a girlfriend after we hooked up.
I hate people who cheat so I told him to tell his girlfriend or I’d do it. He did it himself luckily.
5. S^x ruins friendships.
Had a regular thing with a girl over the course of a summer. We got along well in and out of the bedroom, but we were both on the same page about it being just a casual fling.
One night in the midst of getting it on, she told me she had started dating another girl a couple weeks ago. That was the last time we met up. It made me wonder if she had been dating someone else too and just lied about it.
I know I was complicit in it, but I felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore and it was hard to be friends after that. We stopped talking soon after.
4. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
Lived with a guy for several years that was sort of the home wrecker. Basically he was shagging a married chick that had 2 kids. She would hang out at our place a lot. Eventually roomie caught the feels for her and gave her an ultimatum: to leave her husband and be with him.
Well as you can all guess she did not. So he called her husband and told him about the affair. In the end her and her husband are still together and my roomie got lost in drugs culminating with me discovering him cooking meth in his room. He later got arrested and spent a few years in TDOC custody.
I no longer speak to either.
3. That could have been dangerous.
I “rescued” a girl from a “horrible” boyfriend. I was 21, just moved to the big Apple, and single as hell. To me it was his fault, looking back at how it all went down I realized, he might have sucked but he didn’t do anything to harm her and she was to chicken to call it off, so I was the exit plan.
I learned not to mess with anyone’s personal life like that and if someone truly wants to be with you, they would do things the right way.
2. You always know.
Met a girl and were basically just friendly acquaintances for a while; as I knew she was dating someone. She was friends with someone from work and would come to after work get togethers (we worked at a bar so it was usually early morning breakfasts).
There was definitely some chemistry but never pursued. Absolutely stunning, but also 10/10 crazy as I found out.
Heard through that mutual friend relationship had ended and asked her out, and we started seeing each other. Four months later she’s essentially living with me since I started working out of town Mon-Fri and my place was nicer with no roommates. So I’d get back on Friday and go for dinner, drinks, concerts , events, almost every night I was in town. It seemed amazing.
Around Christmas she has a friend visiting from out of town and I take them out for dinner and drinks. After a few her friend is getting super handsy, trying to sit on my lap, etc… My ‘girlfriend’ isn’t saying anything but obviously getting annoyed; and finally when her friend straight out grabs my junk she finally says ‘enough’.
Her friend responded with; ‘what, you already have a boyfriend; why can’t I play with <me> too; at least I’m single’. Confusion leads to clarity. Take ‘girlfriend’ aside and she confesses that her boyfriend didn’t break up with her, just moved out of town for school and would be back in the spring and they committed to ‘waiting for each other’. But then she and I started seeing each other and she figured she could just have some fun on the side. Meanwhile by this point it had been around 5 months, I’ve paid her tuition for the next semester, she’s basically living in my condo and we had previously had conversations about me getting a house and her actually moving in.
So I tell her I won’t make a scene or anything, but I’d be dropping them off at her place after the bar and she wouldn’t see me again. She starts crying, I feel like an asshole despite everything. I go to drop her off and she says she’ll do anything if I don’t dump her. I told her to tell her boyfriend about us and end it, and maybe we can talk. Which she actually did end that relationship, and despite my better judgement (thinking with my nether regions) we stayed together. I’m embarrassed to say I was completely head over heels at this point.
About four months later it’s summertime, and she sends me a Facebook message while I’m out of town working saying she’s gotten a last minute job offer to work the summer out of town. It’s midweek and I say that I’ll be back Friday and I can go with her and help her get set up over the weekend, and take a few days off the next week. She says she’s already taken the job and leaving that night. I’m obviously put off by this, mention that we’ve had trust issues and this is extremely sudden. She explains it’s in her field and just a summer contact and she can stay with her grandparents in that city, whom I had met previously.
So, about two weeks in I had heard from her once. I realize that I didn’t really trust her, and probably never could. I ended it, when she got back after the summer she tried to get things started again, but in under a month she was living with another dude that she now has four kids with; so I think it was fairly transparent.
Given how much I cared about her and the original betrayal I couldn’t really trust women I was dating after that. The next two relationships I had did not go anywhere due to my own insecurities. Which was super f**ked up since I had been very self confident before that. I was trophy pretty (did bodybuilding shows) was fairly well off (6 figure income) and thought of myself as a fairly decent person.
If my wife hadn’t been super detached when we started dating I probably would have not invested much effort into this relationship as well. It was that she didn’t seem overly interested that kept the relationship going and allowed me to work through some of that.
1. Time to move on.
I fell in love with a guy who had been dating his girlfriend for 4 years. When I met him for the first time at the fast food place where we worked, something inside me clicked into place. “This one,” it said. I shrugged off the feeling and ignored him for 3 months. Then we started hanging out when a mutual friend demanded both of us spend time with her. That’s when I fell for him.
He was kind, generous, thoughtful, patient, soft-spoken… and in a long-term long-distance relationship! SHE went to a different college 3 hours away and couldn’t make time for him, apparently. He had a lot of time to spare and asked me to spend it w him. I tried to convince myself to not see him, to not text him, not spend time with him alone, but it didn’t work. I missed him too much. And he seemed to miss me too?? What???
We spent the school semester and the summer hanging out, being “just friends,” and being the cutest couple that never was a couple. We spent hours talking, he introduced me to all his friends and family, and any time he wasn’t with HER, he was with me.
He broke up w her out of the blue one Sunday that summer. I kissed him on Wednesday. And he got back together with her on Friday, with an “I’m sorry” to soothe me… In the end, I can only blame myself. He had never said he “like” liked me. He never tried to make things sexual between us. He hadn’t promised me anything except that our friendship would never end. In the end, I hurt myself and he lived his life.
The result? I got super dramatic and swore I wouldn’t love anyone else. Now I’m afraid that’s probably true because in the 7 years that have passed since then, it’s hard for me to even have a crush on someone. I’m trying to recover from my self-sabotage but honestly idk if I can do it.
It’s definitely interesting to think about, right?
Have you ever been the homewrecker? Or been with a homewrecker?
Tell us your truth in the comments!
