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Being a 9-1-1 operator is a tough, intense job. You’re often on the phone with people during some of the worst, most painful, or most terrified moments of their lives, and that can take a toll on a person over time.
Luckily, these 9-1-1 operators also get plenty of hilarious calls to balance things out, and these 16 are here to share the ones so funny they’ll never forget them.
16. This should be in a movie.
I called (the non emergency police line) once for my across the way neighbor playing Christmas music at all hours for seven months straight.
Turns out I live next to a Deaf building and the person had no idea that their music was 1) playing 24/7 and 2) so loud I could hear it in any room of my apartment across the driveway.
The operator was absolutely cracking up because I was like look, it’s July, I can’t take hearing holy night again. The call back I got when they made contact with the person was absolutely hilarious- the cop couldn’t stop chuckling every few words.
15. Some people never learn.
At the time this wasn’t funny but hindsight and all.
It’s Thanksgiving Day morning and I’ve just started my shift around 5 AM. I’m the only one working for the day shift and settle in for what should be a mostly peaceful day of hanging out, eating food, playing New Vegas, and relaxing.
Then my 911 line rings. I pick it up and go through the usual run down only to be greeted not by someone with a medical emergency, a fire, crime in progress, nothing like that.
She needed help with making a turkey. I told her this was an emergency line and she informed me this was an emergency because she had family coming over that night and she had to do Thanksgiving dinner. I apologize for her problem but inform her it’s not an actual emergency so I need to clear the line.
And yes I went through our procedures to check to see if this was a domestic issue or something like that where the individual couldn’t speak freely.
This was not that.
She calls back a few minutes later and hangs up upon realizing it is me. She calls back again, gets me, and I inform her it’s only me working so this won’t work. Before I can tell her that LE will come out to her location next time she hangs up.
About 10 minutes later she calls again pitching a sob story about her Thanksgiving being ruined and needing help to salvage it for her family. I let her know LE is on their way, she tries to call it like I’m bluffing until I read back her address. So she hangs up.
LE arrives and she plays dumb like she has no idea why they are there but everything is recorded and we’ve had her number and address ping with every call. She gets a verbal and they leave only for her to call me back to chew me out for sending LE to her home and scaring her kids so she wants to talk to my supervisor to file a complaint.
Shockingly this didn’t get her very far but it did get LE back out to her place to actually issue her a citation for abusing 911 and tying up the lines.
Monday morning she called 911 again to complain about me and again got another citation.
Then there was the boy who called because his older brother climbed on the roof, couldn’t get down, and so he panicked dialed 911 so we could get his brother down before mom and dad got home. The brother was apparently planning to jump to the trampoline but chickened out and couldn’t climb back down.
Mom and dad came home while the fire department was getting him down. They weren’t happy.
14. As kids are.
My sister once called because she wanted to know who would be on the other end of the line. I couldn’t hear what the person said but I heard my sister’s parts of the convo.
Sister: hello? Who’s this? … Oh…
Then she hung up on the operator. They ended up calling back and my dad picked up and had to explain that his daughter was just being curious.
13. Oh, dear.
Numerous calls where someone has handcuffed themself to a SO during coitus and lost the key (if it’s not busy this seems to draw most available officers).
Not me but a coworker: a person was pleasuring themselves with the handle of a scissors and it got stuck.
12. My husband would totally be guilty of this.
I once called 911 because I cut my finger and wanted to talk to my mom, who was a dispatcher. I called crying asking to talk to her by name. She was more pissed at my dad for not waking up when I tried to go to him first haha.
11. Someone better do something.
A little kid called 911 because he wanted the cops to come arrest his brother.
You see, their mom said that the caller’s brother was supposed to share the legos, but he wasn’t sharing. The caller’s brother said that he was playing with all of the legos, which wasn’t possible. There were too many legos for one person to play with all of them at once, argued our caller. Therefore, his brother was a liar, a jerk, and a turd and we needed to come and arrest him.
We had a high degree of confidence that this wasn’t a coded request for help, so we asked to speak to an adult- confirmed that there was no distress and closed the case. Share your legos, kids.
10. That took a twist.
Actual 911 operator here. So far the silliest was a guy who called, all concerned about the number of birds flying around because there was an air show nearby and he was worried the planes would hit the birds
9. This is so wholesome.
I called 911 because our washing machine was broken and my parents were arguing about it (nothing violent, just arguing, but it was unusual for them and scared 5 year old me). I dialed the number but chickened out instead of hitting the call button. Little did I know, the phone called it anyway. So five minutes later a policeman showed up at our house.
I hid under the back porch, my mom made me come out, and the officer explained that 911 was only for emergencies. He was really nice about it though!
8. To be fair, birds are scary.
I had one who called at like 2am to report suspicious activity – he could hear birds outside his apartment and it’s dark outside…it’s obviously someone playing some recording of birds because birds sleep at night.
7. Extended hijinks.
Former dispatcher here. My funniest call was a guy called in and said he wanted to report a pig running around.
I had to ask a pig, as in curly tailed pig. He said yes sir he’s running by taco bell now.
I dispatch out animal control who gets on scene and asks for help. One of our officers assists and for the next 40 minutes or so I got to listen to two of the cities finest chase a young pig around businesses
Once the pig was finally caught it was determined the pig came from a transport truck. The driver said he didn’t want the pig back so the pig was given to the humane society.
Never did hear what happened to the little fellow after that.
6. Bless her heart.
Friend of mine was a 911 dispatcher. The funniest call he ever had was a woman who claimed she was locked inside of her own vehicle. After explaining to her where the door lock switch was, she was able to free herself.
5. Bless their hearts.
I was a 911 dispatcher years ago but had two calls specific calls that still make me laugh.
a frazzled mother called cause her six year old had gotten into the roof and she couldn’t get him down. She kept screaming about how we need to hurry…not because she was worried he would get hurt, but because he had done the before and last time he peed in the air vents.
this was before weed was legal in my state, but a college kid called asking for an ambulance. He was super worried that he was having an allergic reaction to the weed he just smoked. When asked about his symptoms he said “I just can’t stop eating Cheetos”.
4. How dare.
Not a 911 operator but during residency they had us shadow one during my EMS month.
This woman called 911 3 times in 10 minutes for a service animal in a mall. “He’s here staring at me! No I don’t care that he’s helping. He just licked his nuts!”
3. You know where this is going.
Not me but my wife who works both as a secretary for a fire department and is a volunteer firefighter/emt. A lady calls asking if she can donate a building for a training burn in. After asking questions she finds out it’s not a building but an RV.
More questions. It’s not her RV, it was abandoned on her property. Just a few more questions. It’s not exactly abandoned. It’s her ex-husbands RV. And he’s living in it and won’t leave. She wants my wife’s fire department to burn it down. Wife’s fire department declined.
2. Kids are the best, aren’t they?
Was a 911 Operator before becoming a Paramedic.
Had a lot of funny ones, but by far my favorite involved an all too common problem of a kid getting a hold of a locked cellphone and only being able to dial 911.
It was Father’s Day mind you, had this particular kid (about 5 years old) call in at least 6 times but he’d never stay on the line long enough for us to get a good “ping” on his cellphone. It was probably about 2200 local at the time, not early but not too late in the night.
Long story short we were finally able to get him to stay on the phone long enough by talking about how his teddy bear was “sick”. We asked to speak to his parents and he told us they were in bed and the door was locked, so we asked him to go knock on the door, he then told us he had been locked in his room.
Okay….. I think we know what’s going on now.
By this point we had an officer en route to this kid’s house to go make sure everything was okay and to tell his parents the kid has been calling 911.
The officer arrives on scene, a few minutes go by, then the officer comes over the radio and says “S120 back in service, the teddy bear is 10-4”.
The officer made his way up to the comm center and proceeded to tell us all that the kid’s Dad answered the door wearing only boxer shorts and was more than a little agitated when he found out his son had been calling 911.
Apparently the dad had been getting his Father’s Day “gift” from mom when the officer showed up.
1. An awkward moment.
I don’t know if this counts as “funny.”
I’m from a small town. Everyone knows everyone. My uncle Jim is a cop. All the dispatchers and first responders know my grandma pretty well.
One day, my uncle was working on something electrical in the basement. He was shocked. He was unconscious, but he ended up being fine.
My grandma called 911, and screamed into the phone, “Vee! It’s Kate! Jimmy’s been shocked!”
What Vee, the dispatcher, heard was, “Jimmy’s been shot!”
Every single police officer, sheriff’s deputy, EMS, paramedic, firefighter, and park ranger in town arrived at my grandma’s house. My uncle was super confused and embarrassed.
Human beings never fail to dish out the humor, right?
If you’re a 9-1-1 operator, share your own funny stories with us down in the comments!
