Society is all kinds of polite these days (or at least, it pretends to be), but anyone who has to work with other people, or be around other people (so, all of us) knows there are times when you really, really want to get a point across at the same time.
If you’re on the lookout for socially acceptable ways to tell someone to go piss up a rope, these 16 people have you covered.
16. You love to drop this when you can.
“Actually, I AM the manager.”
15. I really like this one.
“I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are”
14. Old school!
“Mhm, and yet that seems more like a you problem than a me problem.”
13. They don’t even have to be angry geese, tbh.
“Go Run into a angered group of Canadian Geese”
12. It’s got that perfect amount of passive aggressive.
I’ve heard this one from homeless all over south Los Angeles after you don’t give them change “God bless you”
11. Dropping “Disney Day”
Have a Disney day.
I love this so much, I used to say this when I did customer service for Comcast.
This is what Disney employees tell guests instead of, well, you know.
10. What can they say?
I tell phone scammers, “My wife is the one that deals with the morons. I just fix things and do laundry. Would you like to speak with her?”
9. Everyone can read between the lines.
“As per my previous email”
“Let’s table that thought for now”
There are so many office based ones that work perfectly!
8. Read between the lines.
Rest assured, I’ll give that all the attention it deserves.
Also the ever popular “Bless your heart”
7. Excellent work.
We use one in my department at work “we kindly ask that you leverage your available resources,” which translates to “bi%*ch we told you this already.”
6. These both made me laugh.
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
Kind sir, I would greatly appreciate it if you would copulate with your own person.
5. You’ve gotta have the screenshots.
“As we’ve discussed before…”
And then attach screen of the previous conversation! Screenshots allow me to be fully passive aggressive yet stay within the boundaries.
4. It’s a whole poem!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have five fingers
And the middle one’s for you
3. You can trick them this way.
My stepdad always used to say, “go pound sand” or “go kick rocks”. I find that even if you use ‘harsh’ expressions from bygone times people just think you’re being quaint and playful.
“Sit on it and rotate” is also a fun one but not very polite even still.
Moms was “go play in traffic”
2. A small favor.
Could you do me a favor and lick a doorknob?
Or a power line or a toaster.
1. It’s a lot of words. They’ll probably stop reading.
“Dear reader, as response to your previous actions I humbly request that you engage in coitus with yourself in a manner of showing remorse or exit from the conversation.
Additionally I would also request that you exit my immediate vicinity to prevent further aggressions from this point and onward.
I’m definitely putting some of these in my memory bank.
What’s your favorite way to accomplish this? Share with us in the comments!