17 Brand Slogans That Are Totally Brutal – But Also True

It can be fun to think up alternate slogans for your favorite brands of foods, electronics, stores, what have you – especially when you get to be brutally honest about their strengths and weaknesses. And I mean, people love truth, so who knows?

Maybe they would work.

Scroll through these 17 totally honest (but sometimes cringeworthy) slogans for popular brands and tell me what you think in the comments.

17. You must be thinking of Wendy’s.

McDonald’s: …what ice cream machine?

16. They’re the king of the available options.

Burger King: Because Wendy’s is closed.

15. You get what you pay for, eh?

Spirit Airlines: “We got you there alive. What else do you f*cking want?”

I was on a Spirit flight where the attendant said “last year we were rated last in customer service! Don’t test me, okay?”

14. Free mints with every purchase.

Altoids – Use the box for anything else.

13. But I mean. It’s fine.

“I Instantly Believe This Isn’t Butter”

12. Just you and the shelves.

Staples: No one actually works here.

Honestly I think you could just walk out with as much as you can carry and they wouldn’t even notice, much less do anything about it

11. *chef’s kiss*

Reddit: you don’t have to read shampoo bottles anymore while taking a dump.

Reddit: social media for the socially inept

10. It’s better than swimming the channel, mate.

Ryanair – What are you gonna do, walk?

9. So many levels. Bravo.

Viagra: Try it. How hard can it be?

8. They still make those?

Yellow pages – here, you throw this away.

Yellow Pages – We printed out a portion of the internet for you!

7. They just keep trying.

United Airlines: We’re not happy until you’re not happy.

When United delayed our flight, the dude just told us, “Bet you wish you paid that little extra for Alaska over there” and gestured over to the Alaska Airlines kiosk.

6. Same food, different shapes.

Taco Bell: You can make 32 different things with those 5 ingredients, why mess with perfection?

5. Also we know that’s why you bought them.

Q-tips: listen, from a liability standpoint we have to tell you to not stick these in your ears. But we’re not your mother. You do what the f*ck you want.

4. No exceptions.

WebMD.com: We promise, it’s cancer. always.

Symptoms include: *having skin.. *eating… *breathing

3. You might as well be comfortable.

Nike: let’s face it, you’re not going to actually do it.

2. We still exist!

Bing: even we’re surprised you’re using us!

1. And an update is available.

Adobe: We don’t sell products, we sell product rentals.

These are just spot on, don’t you think?

What brutally honest slogan could you come up with? Lay it on us in the comments!