I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to stay out of the hospital, with the exception of birthing a couple of kids, and in those instances I was too tired to get up to much trouble.
It appears that other people have enjoyed their stays in the hospital enough to get up to some hijinks, and I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty curious to hear the tales.
18. A valid question.
Only had one surgery but I was really concerned about voldemort’s health and wondering if nosebleeds were a problem for him (I had my nose cauterized)
17. She didn’t have time for that nonsense.
In a hazed state after waking up from surgery told the nurse that I loved her, and thanks for taking care of me.
I think she turned up the gas after that one!
16. Possibly an angel.
I had a bad blood infection and all matter of drugs were pumped into my system. The most beautiful silver-haired nurse would come to check up on me throughout the night and talk to me.
Turned out there was no silver haired nurse and I was just hallucinating. Some people have told me it was an Angel but I’m not a religious person so I really don’t know.
15. A really fun game.
I was coming out of anesthesia after septum surgery, and they must have given me some primo stuff, because I was so out of it when I woke up.
When my fiancee came in to get the post-op care info from the surgeon, I was telling her about how I was playing “beep beep beep game”.
When she asked what beep beep beep game was, I stopped breathing until my O2 sats dropped low enough to set off the alarm.
I told her how I would play beep beep beep game until a nurse would come in and tell me I needed to keep breathing.
14. That sounds dangerous.
I remember peering out the window of the hospital in the middle of the night after my C-section wondering why there were guys playing soccer in the parking lot since it was winter, and 3am.
They weren’t people, they were light posts. Morphine is a hell of a drug.
13. A rebellious sip.
In 2019 I was in the hospital with diverticulitis and I wasn’t supposed to consume anything, not even water.
But I had a sip.
12. A mysterious dude.
I’m a non religious person but something I can’t explain happened similar to this.
I was in the hospital for what I thought was a heart attack or complications from triple bypass surgery I had the month before (I was 33, long story.) I went to one hospital and kindly asked to be transferred back to the hospital that did my heart surgery. They obliged and I was transferred around 2am.
They got me a room and I was all set up to sleep by 3:30am. This dude came in my room and asked me my favorite type of music. He was a younger guy wearing scrubs who I thought was just another nurse doing his rounds. Turns out, he and I had the same tastes in music and his favorite band was also my favorite band. He had a wrists tattoo with a symbol from the bands 4th album that I thought was pretty cool. We chatted for 30 mins or so and then he said he had to be going. He wrote on the info white board on the wall my favorite band and then said his goodbyes. On his way out he told me, “everything looks good so far and you’ll be fine after this.” For some reason that brought me some comfort since I hadn’t seen the doctor yet and I was having high anxiety, being less than a full month after my open heart surgery.
They let me leave the next day. I asked my morning nurse what that guys name was so I could do some detective work on social media and thank him for telling me exactly what I needed to hear at the time. She told me that the only people I saw were the doctor, my night nurse, and her… my morning nurse. No one else had been in my room. So I asked her who wrote my favorite bands name on the board and she had no answer for that… also, all I had for meds was a tylonol for a headache (didn’t eat for like 14 hours) and lorazepam to chill me out.
I still wonder who the dude was.
11. She didn’t learn.
I had to stay overnight in the hospital after having double jaw surgery. My mouth was wired shut, and I was still pretty foggy even hours after waking up, so not really great at communicating. A nurse came in to give me steroids, but instead of slowly administering them, she shot them full force through the IV in my hand.
I got IMMEDIATELY super nauseated and felt like I was going to vomit – but I couldn’t figure out how to communicate that to the nurse, or my mom, who watched in horror as I shot up to a sitting position and started profusely leaking blood out of my mouth. It was like a scene out of a horror movie according to her. I must have swallowed a good amount of blood during the surgery by the looks of it.
Then, later that night, the same nurse Lightning McQueen’d even more steroids and (surprise!) I did it AGAIN. This time they at least had to sense to give me an emesis bucket.
The nurse came in even later to let me know it was the end of her shift and said “good luck, feel better soon, and stop throwing up!” As if it was my fault!! To be fair, though, I probably scared the shit out of her. No retching or other telltale vomit signs, just… sitting up and suddenly pouring blood from my mouth.
Snuck in diet soda and instant coffee powder which was contraband in the eating disorder unit.
Wild times, wild times.
9. Sounds like a grand time.
Punched my uncle, peed on nurses, cussed out my dad. Traumatic brain injuries are nuts.
8. This is a nightmare tale.
Had a Polionidal cyst removed when I was in AIT in the Army. They drugged me up and gave me an epidural and sent me back. They left the wound open so it could heal.
My chain if command refused to send me home for convalescent leave, so I stayed in the barracks with the other soldiers with a huge hole in my tailbone. I laid in bed for three days with no assistance and every time I stood up I would projectile vomit unless I hunched over and dug my palms into my eyes.
After a full day of this and no one offering to take me to the hospital, I called a cab. Told my drill sergeants to get f**ked and got in. Threw up all in the cab and made it to the floor I had surgery on.
When I got there and tried to speak I threw up again. Explained what happened and the hospital went on alert. They put me in a room and dosed me up.
It turns out that the epidural was botched and my brain fluid was leaking through my spine, causing my brain to touch my skull because it couldn’t float in the liquid.
My back is still f**ked to this day, and the VA says it isnt service connected. F**k you VA I still get credit for my fucking TBI and everything else. You f**kers are gonna pay me for the rest of my life.
7. I hope the brother is the forgiving type.
I pooped on my brother after my tbi. I also looked at my friends with very sad eyes to try and get them to unlock the cuffs used to chain my arms to the bed so I wouldn’t pull on tubes.
6. Covert pastries.
I wasn’t a patient. My mom was. She had just had a tumor removed from her brain. My sister and I were staying over with her in the hospital that week. They had a 24-hr Au Bon Pain bakery inside the hospital!!!! And they had this crazy twisted puff pastry stick filled with pastry cream and raisins and covered with a crystallized cinnamon sugar. (I still dream of them 10 years later).
So I had “the night shift” while my sister slept so I crept down there in my PJ’s , bought a box of them and ate them while they both slept. And then we bought more when she woke up. She has never found out to this day. It was all very covert.
5. Super awkward.
Was in the hospital with a TBI for a week once… was so high on painkillers I kept asking my mom why “all these people (the nurses) were in our kitchen” and kept telling them to get out. Like..repeatedly. Made it super awkward.
Also mentioned in front of my mother how I thought I was there to have a baby. That one got weird.
4. That’s a whole moment.
Did a poo in the ward shower.
For context, I’d given birth two days prior but had to get an episiotomy during delivery. I was explicitly told not to strain while pooping. Felt the urge to go and the toilet did nothing for me so I just squatted in the shower until poop appeared.
I then got some bog roll to pick it up, flushed it away down the loo and cleaned the whole area with water.
Felt simultaneously awful yet ecstatic.
3. It made sense.
As a student I was prepping a young woman, who was having breast reduction surgery. It was just the patient, the nurse anesthetist (N.A.) and me in the room. All of sudden the young woman sat up on the table, opened her gown up, exposing her rather large breasts right in front of me and said “You can see why I need this breast reduction?”. I tried to remain professional and told her it made sense, as she was suffering a lot of backpain.
Shortly after the N.A. had knocked the patient out, the N.A. started laughing, as she came over to me saying “When she exposed herself, your face got so damn red, I thought it was going to explode!”
The surgeon removed roughly 1 lbs. per breast.
2. Grumpy cat on drugs.
I woke up post op and was full of rage but so groggy from the anesthesia that I couldn’t move. For two hours I lay in recovery, fuming. Everything made me angry.
There was a little girl in the bed opposite me, crying after her surgery and I hated her. I hated her so much, I used all the energy I had to flip her the bird. A nurse came over and sat with me for a bit, just talking and holding my hand. I couldn’t move or speak to him but he made me angry as well. After a bit he let go of my hand and I immediately flipped him off too. He just grabbed my hand again and held it until I eventually fell asleep.
When I woke up one of the nurses told me I looked like grumpy cat on drugs, I’d spent the whole time in recovery glaring and growling at anybody who came near me(I don’t remember the growing bit) and that I’d flipped off quite a few people(only remember the little girl and the nurse).
1. Life is short.
I was in the hospital for a few weeks in early 2020, quarantined with an elderly woman from Germany.
The hospital would only give us each 1 sugar and 1 salt packet with our meals. I didn’t drink the coffee but she did, so I didn’t need my sugar. She didn’t use her salt packets, but I used salt to make the food more bearable.
There was a language barrier, but we were able to set up a trading system. We had no concern for the “rules”. She was given different food because she was a senior. We would draw back the curtain and show each other which snacks we had, and we’d trade. My husband would sneak in cookies for her and fancy cappuccinos.
We spent Valentine’s Day in that hospital room and my husband bought little fake tea light candles and stuffed animals and flowers and chocolates and decorated her side of the room while she was sleeping and she was so surprised when she woke up.
Maybe we weren’t supposed to be giving her chocolate, sweets or trading sugar packets. But life is short, the hospital is miserable, we were both afraid, but made the most out of it.
I hope she made it.
Y’all, people are hilarious and if you’re a doctor or a nurse, these must be some of your favorite stories, too.
Have you ever gotten up to anything like this? Tell us about it in the comments.