Now, most of the time when you see an AITA post where one party is complaining about a dinner they didn’t have to cook for themselves, you can bet up front they’re going to be raked over the coals.
This might be one of those cases, though, where you have to read the whole thing with an open mind before you can make the call.
OP starts by explaining that he typically makes dinner for their family. On the night in question, though, his wife said she would handle it – but then told him she was planning to serve chicken with a side of plain noodles.
He questioned this and was told that plain noodles are fine.
I (husband) usually make all the meals in the household. I told my wife I was going to make dinner tonight, but she said she was planning to – ok, that’s fine.
So, I go back to work on my laptop. She comes into the room and I ask her what she’s making and she says leftover roast chicken and spaghetti.
Me: Oh, you’re going to make it with sauce?
Her: No, she says just plain spaghetti.
Me: Ok, so, why wouldn’t you make some sauce for it? No one eats just plain spaghetti.
Her: Sure you can, just eat it. What’s wrong with eating plain spaghetti?
I told her to do whatever, but I wouldn’t serve her just plain spaghetti noodles.
OP recognizes that perhaps plain noodles are a dumb thing to get upset about, but listen. He’s got further gripes.
So, I know it seems like maybe a dumb thing to get upset about, but she insisted on making dinner.
By making dinner, she intended to warm up the roast chicken, which we got from Costco, and warm up the noodles, which were actually leftover when I made us chicken carbonara.
Recently, she’d offered to make dinner on another night while he was busy working on a household chore. When he came in to eat he found that she had made dinner for her and the kids but figured he would eat leftovers.
There were hardly any leftovers remaining, though, so he had to fix something for himself.
I was further frustrated because a few days ago she agreed to make dinner while I spent the afternoon and early evening cleaning out the garage. The task wouldn’t have allowed me time to prepare dinner. I entered the house tired and extremely hungry.
It turns out she made food for herself and the kids, but she had planned for me to eat the leftover spaghetti (with sauce and chicken) I had made the day before. It was still in the fridge and in the container, and I opened it to heat it up, and there was like barely any pasta in there for a kids’ meal, which meant I had to now prepare dinner for myself when I was already tired and hungry.
She said she thought there had been more in the container.
In the plain noodle argument, OP’s position is that when he makes dinner he does his best to make something that’s appetizing for the family, because it’s important to him to show love by making an effort.
She insisted there was nothing wrong with plain noodles.
I did get upset and told her I wouldn’t serve her plain noodles, because when I make meals for her, I try my best to make something she’d like to eat – all the time, because I take pride in that. I told her it was insulting because it’s like telling someone you’ll make them pizza, but just serve them the crust. I dunno … that’s not pizza, is it?
I tried to have her see she wouldn’t serve her own sister plain spaghetti, but she insisted she would and have no problem with that. I honestly don’t believe that. I told her that would be embarrassing.
Now he can’t tell whether or not she’s trying to gaslight him, and he’s not sure whether he’s making a mountain out of a molehill.
I can’t tell whether she is being serious that she believes it’s acceptable to serve people plain spaghetti, or she’s digging in her heels because she won’t admit she was just being lazy.
I got mad at my wife for serving me plain spaghetti noodles for dinner.
Not sure if I should accept her belief that it is okay and socially acceptable to serve people plain spaghetti noodles for dinner or if she is just being lazy and I should take it to be insulting behaviour on her part. Do I need to be more understanding?
Reddit is weighing in with a somewhat contested verdict below!
The top comment says OP is not the jerk, here, and her behavior just shows how little she cares about making him happy.
Some people weighed in saying that they do, in fact, enjoy a side of plain (or buttered) pasta with another dish (like roast chicken, for example).
It sounds like a case of her not caring/knowing what he enjoys eating.
It’s not the noodles, per se, but what the whole interaction seems to indicate.
But listen, there could be more to the bigger picture we’re not aware of here.
I agree that the wife wasn’t showing loving care in the husband’s version of this particular event, but as anyone who has been married will tell you, there could be other factors coloring her behavior.
What do you think? If you’re not on OP’s side, tell us why in the comments!