Being judgmental about how other people parent before you become a parent is one of those time-honored traditions of being a human. Like yes, it’s annoying to people who are parents and they definitely roll their eyes behind your back, but listen – they don’t really judge you because they were you.
That said, we all have to have our boundaries, and sometimes it can be harder to keep our mouths shut than others, even when we know we probably should.
This mother-of-two has befriended a woman who is pregnant with her first, and thus far has managed to keep quiet and just smile to herself about all of the judgy comments the other woman is making about how she’s going to do things with her baby.
I (29F) have 2 kids (6m and 1f). I’ve recently become friends with a 26F who is due in a few weeks with her first child.
We’re a bit of an odd match. We don’t necessarily have a lot in common, but we get along well enough and she likes to ask for my advice on things as she prepares to give birth and be a new mom. She doesn’t have any family living nearby and I know how hard that is so I like being able to help her out.
The issue is that as she gets closer to her due date, the more judgmental she gets of my parenting. It started when she decided to do cloth diapers and tried to convince me I should switch too. I had to tell her I’d been there done that with my first and it’s not for me. She asks for product reviews on fancy baby gadgets like the backseat camera or the Owlet sock thing and when I said I never used stuff like that she said that she’s going to use it because she wants to keep her baby as safe as possible.
I was trying really hard to not be the experienced mom that says “just you wait…” because I hate that, but I kinda feel that way sometimes. I figure nature will take it’s course and she’ll eventually see that you can’t take mommy Instagram influencers as gospel.
Then OP had to stay home from work because of mastitis – a very painful, sudden condition that you honestly cannot fathom unless it’s happened to you – and her friend went off about how she wouldn’t have stayed home for a “sore boob.”
Today was the last straw. I have mastitis and I had to stay home from work. I would have gone in but they’re doing temperature screenings at the door and I have a fever so I would have just been sent home anyway. We were texting and I mentioned that I’d called in and she started saying I didn’t have to stay home from work over a sore boob, that I just needed to buy a haaka and use that, but it wasn’t worth staying home over.
OP lost it, probably because she was sick of hearing it, already felt guilty, and you know. Had a sore boob.
I’ll admit that hit a nerve for me because I already feel bad about using my paid sick leave for myself since I like to save it up in case my kids get sick. In my anger I said that thing I told myself I’d never say. I said she should wait until she’s actually experienced something before she tries to talk about it because right now she just doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
She’s feeling badly because the woman’s husband called and said she’d been crying for an hour and was already nervous about the birth, etc, so OP is wondering whether she was wrong to stand up for herself after all.
Well apparently she’s so upset that her husband texted me and asked me why I’d say something like that to her when she’s due in two weeks and already nervous. He said she’s been crying for an hour now. I feel like maybe I just shouldn’t have said anything.
Reddit is ready to make her feel better though; here’s what they had to say.
They reassured her that there’s nothing wrong with establishing a boundary, even if someone else’s feelings get hurt.
Two wrongs definitely don’t make a right.
And just because OP wasn’t wrong doesn’t mean we should bag on the naive pregnant lady, either.
We all have our limits.
The truth of the matter.
I don’t think there are any jerks here – her friend didn’t know any better so OP let her know what she was going to take.