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For many women, taking their new spouse’s name after marriage is understood, accepted, and even anticipated. More and more women are reconsidering what they see as an antiquated notion and deciding to keep their own names, even after marriage.
Whichever way you go, there are complications and little annoyances to deal with, all of which have to deal with physically changing your name, or correcting people when you don’t.
And that’s before we even get into the complication of divorce, which is what prompted this post on Reddit’s Am I The A$shole thread.
OP (Original Poster) was 19 when she married her high school sweetheart and took his last name. Their marriage ended shortly thereafter and she moved to another country to start over, but didn’t change her name.
The main reason for that (she says) is that her maiden name is hard to spell, hard to pronounce, and was given to her by an abusive father, so she saw no reason to jump through the hoops to change it back.
I (31f) got married very young, 19, to a guy who was also 19 at the time. We were high school sweethearts and unfortunately he fell in love with a coworker and left me for her about a year into our marriage. We divorced and I moved to an entire different country across the world to “restart”. One thing that I did keep from that marriage was his last name.
My dad was born in Russia (I was born and raised in the US) and my maiden name was 9 letters long and ridiculously hard/impossible to spell or pronounce for people. And to top it off my dad was extremely abusive and I ended up living with a friend from 14 till graduation because of his abuse. So I had no real attachments to my maiden name and it was only a burden.
Her ex’s name, by comparison, is not only easy to spell and pronounce, but in her new language, it has a meaning she enjoys.
My ex husband’s last name, now mine, has an amazingly simple impossible to pronounce wrong/misspell name that has an amazing meaning. Think along the lines of Love. It’s great! And works great in my new main language.
Recently she’s become pregnant – a welcome realization and addition to her happy life. She has a good job, pays for her own place, and is happily free.
The father does not want to be involved in any way and she says that she is fine with his decision. She plans to give the baby the last name she’s had for 13+ years.
Over the last year I found myself pregnant with a guy I had been seeing for some time but had a messy background with his ex. I have a great job that was pandemic proof and a lovely home I pay for myself. I’m really proud of the life I have built and I wasn’t sad to be pregnant especially since I wasn’t sure if it would happen for me and I always wanted kids.
Sadly, the guy decided he wanted to try and make his relationship with his ex. I am not going after him for any child support, as I don’t need it and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do with our baby.
Now I am planning to have my baby and to give my baby what has been my last name now for almost 13 years.
Then, her ex-husband, who she hadn’t spoken to in a decade, messaged her on Facebook.
Not sure how or when someone informed my ex husband about my pregnancy (I didn’t announce) but recently I opened a message from him on social media. I was shocked to say the least as I haven’t heard from in a decade.
He knew she was pregnant and wanted to know whether or not she was planning to give the baby “his” last name.
The point of his message was that he knew I was pregnant and he wanted to know if I planned on giving the baby “his” last name. I responded friendly and said that although I did get the name from marrying him that I felt like after all these years and being on a different continent then him, it was also mine.
I don’t think of him when I use it. I just think of who I am now.
When she said yes, he flipped out. He called her names, and their mutual old friends are all on his side.
Well he FLIPPED out. He wrote me scathing messages calling me “whore” and saying how he won’t stand for a “bastard” child to be sporting his last name. Now I’m getting messages from his girlfriend, his friends that we used to know in high school, and his random family members. All calling me names and telling me I’m a horrible person for using this last name on my child and even on myself.
They keep calling me “obsessed” and a “stalker”. It’s honestly so scary to open up any apps these days because I know a barrage of hateful messages will be waiting for me.
She feels like it’s her name, she never thinks about him, they haven’t spoken in a decade or more, so…is she wrong?
Let’s see what Reddit has to say, shall we?
The top comment points out that he’s the one being weird and stalker-ish, not her.
Image Credit: Reddit
And yeah, it’s not like he’s the only person in the world with that last name. Is he going to scream at all of them?
Image Credit: Reddit
Plain and simple.
Image Credit: Reddit
There seems to be a lot of moral finger pointing from a guy who cheated on his wife. Just sayin.
Image Credit: Reddit
Smash the patriarchy.
Image Credit: Reddit
I think this woman is strong and amazing and I wish her the best.
What are your thoughts? If you disagree with me (and the commenters) tell us why down in the comments!
