People Make Minor But Interesting Internet Confessions

I think that if you asked most people walking down the street, they’d probably say they have at least one thing weighing on their chest. Something on their mind, a tidbit they haven’t been able to tell anyone but would really like to…you know?

These 19 people turned to Reddit to unburden themselves, and here are their interesting (but fairly minor) confessions.

19. That’s probably not a secret.

I’ve been browsing reddit for three hours while I’m supposed to be working.

18. I mean good on you.

I pissed in my bully’s shoes on a field trip to the public pool when I was 10.

17. A different kind of relief.

Most of the time when I go to the bathroom at work I don’t actually have to go to the bathroom, I just wanna sit down for 5 minutes and not get bitched at for it.

16. Were there regrets?

I entered a Halloween coloring page contest as my little sister and won first place.

15. I knew it!

I am the one who clogged the office toilet today.

14. How did it end?

There was a 3 week period of my life where everyday I would purchase a large Dairy Queen blizzard, then park and consume it alone in my car.

One day I finished my Blizzard but wasn’t satisfied, by this time I had been going to the same Dairy Queen for so long the drive through workers recognized me.

Instead of pulling through the drive through again I shamefully drove 20 mins away to the next Dairy Queen and got another there.

13. I bet you feel better having said it.

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with life.

12. Not a unique moment, sadly.

A friend I hadn’t talked to in a while hit me up with a DM on twitter and I was like “oh, yay! I haven’t talked to them in a long time” only to found out they were pitching their kickstarter, so it made me a little sad.

11. I feel like patting him on the back.

I once ate 4 burritos in one day. Woke up, nobody was home, so I bought a burrito.

Sister called me hours later saying if I wanted anything from the taco shop, since there were no witnesses I said buy me a burrito. Ate it. Then she left for work or something.

Then my brother called, said if I wanted anything from the taco shop, again there were no witnesses so I said, another burrito. Ate it.

Then I went drinking with friends. And here in San Diego everybody goes to the taco shop afterwards. So I had another burrito.

10. We’ve all been there.

Currently eating an ice cream sandwich and intentionally concealing it from my 2 year old so he doesn’t demand a bite.

9. Just the right amount of slow.

I let my boss think it takes me WAAAAYYY longer to do my work so that I get less of it. Trust me, it’s a lifehack. I say that as a person who was previously overworked and burned out bad.

8. Some days you’re just not feeling it.

I could have finished my entire workload today in maybe two hours flat. But I dragged it out.

First job was to test a fire alarm system, but the contractor was behind so that was a waste of time. Second job was supposed to be installing a 120V system, but it turned out the system already existed, we just needed to replace the old devices. 2 day job was done in 2 hours.

Had a similar thing happen yesterday. This week is turning out to be a good week. Which means I’m getting stuck with some bullshit on Friday. It always ends up that way lol

7. That’s a bad moment.

I have to interview people at work and I think I’m usually way more nervous than they are.

Also, when the interview isn’t going well, and they know it, and they know you know they know it, it’s the worst feeling in the world. You just want to give them a hug but for some reason that’s “unprofessional.”

6. Some days you get lucky.

I didn’t attend one of my courses when I was studying abroad in Spain. I looked for the classroom on day one, couldn’t find it, just didn’t go for the rest of the semester.

They chalked it up to an administrative error and i got full credit for the program.

5. I mean, whatever works.

The only reason I took my vitamins today its because they are in gummy form.

4. Quite a tale.

I have a shopping cart in my back yard.

A homeless person left it in my front yard. He took everything out of it, so it was empty.

It had a “Call this number and we will retrieve this cart” phone number on it. The cart belonged to a BIG STORE chain that everyone has heard about.

The person who answered, asked me to identify the cart. It had some sort of number or word on it – I don’t recall. The employee told me the cart came from the store a good 15 miles north of me. And to call that store.

Okay? The sign on the cart said to call this number. Nope. They don’t do that anymore. Call the other store.

I called the other store. They said they were not going to come and get it, because I was outside of their “range”. Instead I should take the cart to their closer store.

Me take the cart? Dude… I’m doing you a solid here just by telling you where it is.

Okay, call the local store.

Local store says they don’t pick up carts that don’t belong to them. Tells me to call their cart recovery service, who will deliver the cart. Okay, now we are going somewhere!

I call the cart delivery service. They tell me that they will pick up the cart and deliver it. If I pay them $20.

WHAT!? You should pay ME!

“You know it is against city law to keep a grocery store’s cart? You could get arrested for it.”

Fine. Thank you for that advice.

So, on the advice of the cart delivery service, I removed identifying signs from the cart. It now serves as an aluminum can holder in my back yard. I bolted a can crusher to it. When the cart is full, I crush the cans. When I fill a 35 gallon trash can with crushed cans, I toss it in the bed of my truck and cash out. I get about $30 bucks or so for it, a couple of times a year.

3. Why am I laughing so hard?

About half an hour ago I farted really bad in the chip aisle at the supermarket. It was silent but deadly. I got the fuck out of there when I smelled it since there was no one around and no one would know it was me once I cleared the scene.

When I looped around to go to the checkout a few mins later there was some kid running around and stops dead in her tracks where I had farted and made the most traumatized disgusted face. Her mother was right behind her and started whisper shouting at her if she had pooped her pants again and she starts saying she didn’t.

I know you didn’t kid. It was me. I think it was a tuna sandwich.

2. Not everyone deserves to be mourned.

My grandfather died today the only reason I feel sad is that my grandmother is alone.

1. The shame.

I bought and ate an entire blooming onion by myself. I didn’t even eat it at the Outback, I took it home so I could devour it in my room, lit only by the dim light of my monitor like some degenerate goblin while I scroll through reddit.

I just love little looks behind the curtain of other people’s minds, don’t you?

If you’ve got something on your mind, keep the fun going and confess in the comments!