Parenting is tough in all stages, but I suspect that raising teenagers takes the most amount of self-control.
Sure, we can remind ourselves that their brains are undeveloped and their hormones are out of control, but when they’re acting out in public, restraint can be a struggle.
This woman and her parents were trying to do something nice for their teenagers after a dance competition. Her father offered to take them out to dinner anywhere they wanted, and since their oldest wanted to go to a seafood place they usually eschew because of the prices, they took him up on it.
My daughters 14&16 are on the same dance team. Their team won a competition on Sunday, and we were all so excited and proud of them.
After the competition, my dad suggested we go out to eat and said he would pay for wherever we wanted.
Older daughter, who loves seafood, has been asking for years to go to a restaurant that has unlimited crab legs, but it’s a very pricy restaurant, so we’ve never been able to. She immediately suggested this restaurant. My dad liked the suggestion.
My younger daughter suggested we go to her favorite restaurant, a local Mexican restaurant, instead. We’ve been there many times, as it’s much more affordable.
Knowing this would be a wasted opportunity, I said older daughter’s suggestion made more sense because it was somewhere we’d never been.
Their younger daughter was pouty because they did not pick her choice, which was somewhere the family went together often.
Younger daughter complained she wouldn’t like anything there, but I assured her the menu would have more than crab legs. We got there, and sure enough, there were many dishes that didn’t have seafood, including steak, youngest’s favorite.
Even though there were dishes without seafood, youngest daughter said she wasn’t hungry because the restaurant “smelled weird.” I ordered her steak anyway.
No matter how hard her mother tried to convince her there would be something she would like and just to get over it and have a nice time, in true teenager fashion, she wasn’t having it.
Younger daughter pouted throughout the meal. She picked at her steak. Older daughter was very happy, and completely absorbed in the crab legs. My mom tried to talk to my younger daughter about the competition, but she wasn’t responsive.
At the end of the meal, we were all stuffed except for youngest. My dad told everyone to pick a dessert to go, except for youngest because “she’s clearly not hungry.”
I asked my dad to leave her alone, and he did, but she was already upset.
Later, they talked more about how she could have handled the situation better and been more polite about it, but OP still doesn’t feel like her daughter deserves a night out at the restaurant of her choice so soon.
When we got home, I tried to talk to her. I explained that this was a rare opportunity and sometimes we need to let someone else have something nice. I told her I could have taken us to the Mexican restaurant this weekend.
She said it’s not the same, because the restaurant we go to the night of the competition is special, and we went somewhere she didn’t like. I pointed out that she didn’t know she didn’t like it because she didn’t try it.
She said I know she hates seafood and that the restaurant is known for its seafood, so of course she wouldn’t want to go there after a special event.
She was annoyed all Monday and Tuesday but started to mellow on Wednesday. This morning she asked if we are going to the Mexican restaurant tomorrow. I said not this week because of her behavior, but we’ll see next week. She wasn’t happy.
Am I being too hard on her? I think she was very rude to her grandparents, but I know when you’re a teenager everything feels like a bigger deal than it is. Should I have just let her behavior slide and taken her to the Mexican restaurant?
Is she pushing too hard? Should she let it go?
Let’s find out what Reddit thinks in the comments!
The top comment points out that knowing how to take responsibility for one’s actions and apologize when you’re wrong are important life skills.
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Sometimes good parenting looks like being mean.
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All actions have consequences.
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No one gets to win all the time.
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Maybe it is just puberty, though, in which case I think Mom gave her a good amount of grace.
Image Credit: Reddit
This is a tough one and I definitely feel for the mother – I don’t think she was wrong at all, though.
Have you already survived the teenager phase? If so, what advice would you give as a parent (or a teen)? Drop it in the comments!
