While it might be a running joke that no one really gets along with their in-laws, I do think that a majority of people go into marriages intending to get along with their in-laws, right?
You walk on eggshells for awhile, trying to figure everyone out, in the hopes that eventually actual friendships might be forged.
For this bride-to-be, her welcoming gesture began as an invitation to her future teenage niece to be a bridesmaid.
I (32f) am getting married to my fiance (41m) next year. After we got engaged, I suggested it might be nice if I asked my fiancé’s niece (who’s 15) if she wanted to be a bridesmaid too.
I’ve only met her a couple of times, so we’re not close, but she seemed like a cool kid and I thought it might be a nice way for us to bond/ get to know each other/ involve her in the wedding. (Side note – she’s the only niece/ nephew on either side of the family).
Things began to go a bit wonky when they met in person, and OP found out that the niece had embraced an androgynous style that her mother did not seem to approve of – and they were using the idea of being a bridesmaid as an excuse to force the teenager into clothing that made her uncomfortable.
Anyway, cut to a few weeks ago and we’re in my fiancé’s hometown to visit his family and discuss wedding-related stuff. His brother, sister-in-law and their daughter came over and I noticed this time that she was dressed a lot more androgynous than I remembered.
The topic moved to wedding dresses and bridesmaid’s dresses and I could see she was immediately uncomfortable.
Her parents (her mum really) and grandma were making comments about how she’d need to be more feminine/ brush her hair etc, and how nice it would be to see her like that.
OP felt sympathy for the niece, because she had been something of a tomboy herself as a girl, and told her she could wear whatever she wanted in the wedding as long as it was in the correct colors.
I’ll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me, as I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I’m not anymore) and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that. Eventually, her mother made a comment along the lines of, “It’ll be nice to see you dressed like a girl for once.” and she looked really sad/ embarrassed/ upset.
In response, because that really hit a nerve, I immediately told her that my maid of honour would be wearing a trouser suit for the wedding and not a dress and that I’d given all the bridesmaids the option of wearing anything they want as long as it’s in the “wedding colour”, to make things easier.
I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me (a jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux etc) and let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted – she could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable – and that it’s a wedding, not a fashion show.
Since then the girl’s family has reached out asking that OP require her bridesmaids to wear dresses and making it clear that her interference wasn’t welcome.
My niece perked up a bit when I said that but her mum looked really pissed off. She’s since asked my fiancé to pressure me into getting all the bridesmaids dresses so their daughter will have to wear one (which, lol, no).
My husband doesn’t give a s*%t what she wears, but obviously also doesn’t want his family and me to be arguing on the wedding day.
I don’t want to back down because I know what it feels like to be pressured into wearing something that makes you uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I know it’s only for a day and it’d make the family happy.
AITA for trying to overrule her parents?
Should she have kept her mouth shut and let the family’s opinion reign supreme or was she right to stand up for a bullied kid?
Reddit’s got replies for days, so let’s read them!
The top comment says that if ever there was a time to go full Bridezilla, this is definitely it.
And she’s not actually overruling the parents on anything because it’s HER wedding.
This could be a watershed moment in that kid’s life!
S/he deserves to have someone stand up for them if her parents refuse.
Alternatively she could make the parents’ behavior into a hilarious joke. Ha!
I doubt they’d find it funny, but I hope every kid in the world has someone like this in their lives.
How would you have handled this situation? Tell us all about it in the comments!