Everyone grows up in a different home, with different traditions and customs, no matter where our parents and grandparents are from originally. Those traditions and customs can be stronger for some, or perhaps more foreign to a “typical” American upbringing, but we all have those family quirks that are hard to shake.
This woman was born in America to parents who immigrated from elsewhere, and so was brought up to always bring a small gift when invited to someone else’s home.
Even though I (23f) am American, my parents are immigrants and therefore I have a different cultural upbringing than most. One thing that was hammered into my head from a young age was to always, always bring a small gift when visiting anyone’s house.
It doesn’t matter if it’s family or friends or that one person you kind of know but don’t really like, bringing something is a must.
She and her long-term boyfriend have a standing dinner date at his parents’ house, and each time, she finds something sweet and small to bring along.
My bf (28m) and I have been dating for almost 4 years now and since we both work from home he suggested we make dinner with his parents a weekly thing since we haven’t been able to see each other much for obvious reasons. I love his parents, so obviously I agreed!
Every week I made sure to bring something small to show my appreciation for them cooking for us (always using my own money); a small bottle of wine, their favorite dessert, some flowers etc. and they always thanked me for it.
This has been going on for a few months and absolutely didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until yesterday when my bf and I were preparing to head over.
The situation came to an unexpected head when her boyfriend confronted her about a vase of daffodils she planned to bring that week, saying that her gifts were weird, they were annoying his parents, and that since she was “white” she should stop “imposing her culture” on other people.
He went to dinner alone, for obvious reasons.
I’d gotten a cute vase of daffodils since luckily I’d found some in bloom and my bf’s mom really loves them, but my bf suddenly got really mad and asked why I kept bringing stuff over every week like his parents were “a charity case”.
Honestly I got super confused and asked him what the problem was and that I’ve always done this with everyone including his friends since we met. That it was a cultural thing but then he got even madder and told me to stop imposing my culture on everyone and it’s weird since I’m white.
At that point I didn’t feel like going anywhere with him and just gave him the flowers and went for a walk while he drove over to dinner by himself.
He came back with the flowers, still angry and demanding she apologize (?) to his parents.
Later, she received a text from her father-in-law asking her not to come to the family dinners in the future.
After he came home he still had the flowers which he gave to me and told me he was sorry but his parents really were super annoyed with me constantly bringing stuff over like they can’t take care of themselves, and later on I got a text from his dad asking me to not come over for dinner anymore.
Now my bf’s giving me the cold shoulder unless I give his parents a huge apology, but I really, truly don’t feel like I’m in the wrong for trying to be nice to them. AITA?
This update is lengthy, but provides some much needed context to her boyfriend’s behavior.
First up, he’d texted her from his dad’s phone and then blocked her number.
After my last update I told my bf I was sick and tired of him dancing around the issue with his parents and I was going to go over to their house whether he liked it or not. At this point I think he realized that whatever he was doing had backfired so he sat down all angry and told me he’d explain.
I sat and he told me that he’d done something very spur of the moment and that he’d texted me from his dad’s phone then blocked the number but begged me to listen. That he just needed to get his parents off me for a while and to not leave.
His parents had been pressuring him about proposals and marriage – which OP was honestly expecting, too, after 4 years, but instead of just saying he wasn’t ready, her boyfriend decided on this brilliant move.
He thought it would be the perfect segue into asking for an open relationship.
Apparently his parents had started hinting at him about marriage since my bf and I talked a lot about it. I fully expected to marry him as I said in another comment, and was honestly expecting a proposal in late spring since that’s when we met. Four years dating didn’t bother me but I was getting excited to settle down.
However, my bf apparently realized that he absolutely didn’t want to commit to anything and wanted to experiment and have fun since I “wasn’t being fun anymore”. Honestly that just made me cry since we were each other’s firsts for everything and usually very good at communicating our needs.
His grand plan was to get him mad at me so I would beg for forgiveness and then he’d only accept an open relationship as an answer. Absolutely brilliant plan I know.
Even after he was caught in the lies and immaturity, he thought she might want an open relationship and to act as if everything was fine and dandy in front of his parents.
He’d made up his parents getting mad but didn’t expect me to blow off dinner completely and it’s like “hitting a jackpot”, his words not mine. He went over for dinner, hid the flowers and said we’d gotten into a huge fight but he was “going to fix it” but I needed space.
After he confessed all this he said he was very sorry but really didn’t want to miss out on new experiences when he was still young and would I consider an open relationship but pretend ours was strained with his parents so they wouldn’t get suspicious?
She laughed him right out onto the street, and made sure his parents knew the truth about why things had ended to boot.
And…..I laughed. I laughed his ass right out the door and told him absolutely not and to leave me alone while I packed because I wanted to have some new experiences too!!! He never stopped begging me to stay but I left to sleep at a friend’s.
After calming down for a few days I cemented the breakup and finally, actually went over to his parent’s. My ex-bf’s dad never even noticed the phone missing but still apologized and his mom was a mess. I did and still love them and will eat dinner there without him as often as I can.
I won’t lie that I’m sad about four years down the drain, but that’s life. And if that was my ex’s best possible plan then I dodged the bullet by a mile.
Honestly, we don’t even need Reddit’s comments after this amazing update, but here are a few of the better ones, anyway!
First all all, everyone is glad he’s a flaming idiot and couldn’t come up with a better plan to try to fool her.
Someone in this relationship needs therapy, and it’s not OP.
Everyone hopes she’s prepared for these scenarios and will not get sucked back in because of how much she likes his parents.
Plenty of people realized something was fishy even on her original post.
They were definitely right about things not adding up.
Y’all, I cannot believe men like this exist in real life. Like, what is the matter with people?!
Would you have handled this as maturely as she did? Let us know in the comments!